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~ rants, reviews & reflections of Martin Jameson, writer, director & grizzled media gunslinger.

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Tag Archives: Laura Kuenssberg

Fibs, Lies and Elaborations: Looking for Truth in the Tragedy of Jason Arday

17 Monday Aug 2026

Posted by Martin Jameson in Autobiography, BBC, Books, Cambridge University, Depression, Health, Jason Arday, Journalism, Media, Mental Health, Publishing, Suicide

≈ 1 Comment

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BBC Question TIme, BBC R4 Today Programme, Books, Channel 4 News, Donald Crowhurst, Elizabeth Finch, Great and Unfortunate Things, Grey's Anatomy, Jason Arday, Jesus College Cambridge, Johann Harri, Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Laura Kuenssberg, Nick Robinson, Professor Hillary Crenin, Raynor Winn, Sangar Institute, Simon & Schuster, Stephen Glass, The Salt Path

Jason Arday in happier times, proudly carrying the Olympic torch

Fibs

I seem to have known an awful lot of bare-faced liars in my time. Or were they just fibbers, elaborating the mundane for entertainment value, harmless Baron Munchausens in search of validation or perhaps for something more?

In 1980, at university, a student colleague claimed to have attended the Royal Ballet School as a child.  I had no reason to doubt him. We were drama students and many of us had theatrical history pre-dating our time at university. But then a reliable contact with connections to the school said they had never heard of this young man, throwing his story into doubt. When I asked him if he still danced he told me he’d had to give it up due to contracting cancer. ‘Oh my god,’ I remember exclaiming, ‘what sort of cancer?’ I still remember the slight hesitation before his reply. ‘Of the knee,’ he blinked, although it was unclear which knee had been afflicted. Perhaps it was both. It was certainly an anatomically appropriate excuse, and I wasn’t about to call him out for lying about such a terrible disease. Why would anybody lie about something so serious? I soon found out exactly why. This guy had the hots for someone in the year above. He was desperate to sleep with her, pleading that his cancer was so serious he didn’t know how much time he had left, suggesting that her consent would be an act of compassion. I still couldn’t bring myself to accuse someone of lying about having cancer, but luckily the young woman in question parked her compassion, and held her ground – and amazingly the guy’s knee was just fine. So much so, that I saw him dance in a show about a year later. He made a decent stab at it, but it was, to me, an impression of someone who had studied ballet rather than the skill itself. Many of us had stopped believing a word he said by then, and just rocked along with his biographical elaborations quite happily. We were drama students after all.

In 1983, in a bar in Cardiff, a charming young actor regaled me with stories about being on tour as a wide-eyed 16-year-old with theatre director Peter Brook in Africa along with Helen Mirren et al, largely debunking Brook’s account of the near magical cultural exchanges that had occurred in remote African villages. I lapped it up, always keen to debunk anything that smacked of pretension, only to discover a few years later, reading Conference of the Birds, John Heilpern’s book about the tour, that there was no reference to anyone even vaguely resembling the fellow who had waxed so lyrically to me. I felt like an idiot, but I had wanted to believe him. The young actor in question was black, at a time when there weren’t that many black actors in the U.K.  Did that make me more inclined to believe him due to my own liberal bias? Was I just busting to have old, white Peter Brook taken down by a young black guy who was actually there! I would hope not, but I genuinely can’t say whether I would have been quite as willing to believe him had he been white. I just don’t know, but I suspect I am guilty as charged.

A few years later I was working for a socialist feminist theatre company of the sort brilliantly parodied in David Nichols’s One Day. I was lodging with an older gay actor who admittedly had the air of exaggeration about him, but who, one morning over breakfast casually recounted how the night before he had been violently raped by three men he’d met in a bar. I remember my jaw dropping. I’d never met anyone who openly talked about being a victim of rape before. Surely he should call the police, have a medical check up at the very least! He didn’t seem too bothered. Oh, it’s just one of those things, he shrugged, and never mentioned it again. I wasn’t about to accuse someone of lying about something so serious – especially not a gay socialist feminist (it was 1984, and aged 24 I was still generally convinced that only Tories told lies) but when, after another year or so, I realised that many of his other tales were provably fabricated, I started to wonder about the awful sexual assault. I never did question him about it. I mean, you can’t can you? Who would lie about rape? The idea he might have is one of those bruises that never quite heals.

Two years after that another friend and work colleague, a senior creative at a large regional theatre, regaled a group of us with his account of the man who, sitting opposite him on an Inter-City 125, ejaculated onto the table between them in his sleep. I knew he was fibbing because it was an urban myth doing the rounds at the time, but it would have spoilt the sociable vibe to have called him out for claiming it as his own experience. Later when the same person told me how he had totalled his parents’ Porsche by having a fit while driving up the M1 at 80 mph – despite no history of epilepsy – I was less comfortable. Apparently he’d been completely uninjured because the fit had relaxed him. He’d miraculously not collided with any other vehicles, and the next thing he knew, he had woken up in hospital surrounded by police convinced he was a joy rider who had stolen the car. But why would anybody lie about something as serious as epilepsy? Perhaps the tale was true, but to be honest, I still don’t know what to believe of that and several other fantastic stories he told me. Forget about how, today, we are taught to distrust pretty much anything we read on the internet, it was 1986 and I was starting to lose trust in anybody (or perhaps I was just annoyed at myself for being such a mug).

In 1991, I was reunited with a long lost relative who had disappeared from our lives nearly thirty years earlier. It was an emotional reunion and we got on famously, but she, too, had a tale of casual rape, this time by an intruder who had broken into her apartment in LA a few years before. I was wide-eyed with horror and keen to know if the perpetrator was ever brought to justice. Like my actor friend, she just shrugged it off. It was just one of those things and she’d never reported it – not the break-in, nor the rape. What was the point? I could think of a few reasons, but once again, I wasn’t about to question the story, after all, the difficulty in securing convictions for rape is well known. Unlike my actor friend, this person was ‘blood’, so there was no way she would lie to an actual relative, plus surely his tall tale must have been a one off. A few nights later, my concern for her went up another notch. She told to me that she was in the early stages of multiple sclerosis. I was genuinely distressed, and now additionally relieved to have found her again in time before the disease took hold.  

But… 

…she never mentioned her illness again, and she’s still alive today 35 years later, well into her eighties. This was far more disturbing in retrospect because she had also told me stuff about my mother and father and my early life and I now had no idea whether I could believe a word of it. When later I did call her out on the veracity of something far more trivial than lying about a serious degenerative condition such as MS, she told me to ‘f*ck off and never speak to her again’, blocking me on social media. I haven’t heard from her since. I learned later that some of her versions of our family history had caused considerable distress with at least one other elderly relative.

Arday’s story made many front pages

Just a few hours before the terrible news came through about Jason Arday’s death last Friday evening (at the time of writing there is no official ’cause of death’ although it has been widely assumed to have been a suicide) I had been pondering the story, as a dramatist constantly on the search for inspiration and fascinated by the more eccentric recesses of the human condition regularly does. It was garnering acres of coverage, largely in reaction to – or because of – racism with regard to his appointment as Cambridge’s youngest ever professor of colour. But the story was also everywhere because it is ‘Silly Season’ in the UK and there’s not much else going on for journalists to chew on (this is a far greater factor in this tragedy than many have credited).

I’ve been fascinated by tales of deception for much of my life for very personal reasons. My father was bipolar, and, while not a fantasist exactly, had been prone to extreme delusion at the height of his manic cycle (at one point believing himself to be an Old Testament prophet called Joshua). My stepmother, who brought me up, and who I always believed to be a pillar of stability, honesty, and grounded good sense, had, I discovered shortly after her death in 1997, led a dramatic double life, one which took me to the files of Special Branch at the National Archives at Kew and turned my own world upside down. That is quite literally another story which I won’t expand upon here. Consequently truth matters to me at a fundamental level, perhaps anally, obsessively so. 

In His Own Words

In that spirit, not content to rely on second hand reports of plagiarism and fabulist exaggerations as to Arday’s life story, I had spent a couple of days going to as many primary sources as I could, watching an assortment of videos of Arday’s lectures and interviews freely available online as well as delving into a selection of his academic output, also freely available to anyone wanting properly to inform their understanding of the man. If I was to form any kind of judgement it should be on the basis of the man’s own words.

That his own account of his life story was at the very least elaborated seemed plain to see, as did his questionable talent as an academic. I challenge anyone to have a go at unscrambling Arday’s academic word salads and tell me if they come out of the experience with their brain intact. In the course of my own work I’ve trawled through a fair number of PhD papers so I’m used to the academic style but leaving accusations of plagiarism to one side it would be stretching generosity to its extremes to describe Arday’s work as ‘the best in the world’ as Professor Hilary Cremin did in a BBC news report upon his appointment as the university’s youngest ever professor of colour in 2023.

Professor Hillary Cremin speaking to Jason Arday in a BBC News Report in 2023

As for plagiarism I have no primary source evidence of my own to offer a properly informed opinion but as with my mendacious friends and relatives once I’d been spun whoppers in one regard, it becomes hard to trust anything else they may have told me. 

However, what distinguished this case from my own anecdotes was Arday’s very public profile. Being bull-shitted by a few friends and relatives over the years didn’t really matter to anyone but me (and perhaps the woman being harassed for sex on the basis of a bogus cancer claim) but Arday was firmly in the public arena, so discerning truth from falsehood becomes a matter of public interest whether we like it or not. 

At this point many liberal commentators have rightly asked: Would a white male academic accused of plagiarism have attracted this kind of press attention, mockery, and downright hostility? The answer is categorically ‘no’. So the media is collectively racist, right? 

But, equally, it is fair to ask whether the appointment of a white male professor to Jesus College Cambridge would have attracted the attention Arday’s did? Would the BBC have run a news feature? I’ve seen similar pieces that were run by CBS News and a variety of other outlets. Undeniably, Arday was being promoted as a poster boy for the university on the basis of his identity and life story. The BBC report celebrates (some might say ‘objectifies’) his ethnicity, filming him in beatific profile against soft focus Cambridge gothic. If we then demand Cambridge be held to account for putting a vulnerable adult like Arday in the front line, and the BBC and other media for joining in with this celebration of progressive inclusivity, surely we also have to ask (however painful it may be) to what degree Arday was himself complicit in becoming such a poster boy. He would have every reason to do so in the cause of being a role model for upcoming academics of colour and those managing their neurodiversity. But, the argument goes, he was being used by self aggrandising white liberals. That seems blatantly to be the case, but as soon as I say it out loud, I have stripped Arday of any agency of his own. I am painting him purely as a victim. That can’t be right either.

Arghhh!

Jason Arday framed against Cambridge Gothic in 2023

Aside from his professorship Arday was a trustee of the British Sociological Association; a trustee of Autism Action; a patron of the Adult Literacy Trust and Get Further; a former trustee of the Runnymede Trust; a member of the itv Advisory Council; he sat on the Centre for Labour and Social Studies National Advisory Panel and the Royal Society Diversity and Inclusion Committee; and was a School Governor at Shaftesbury Park Primary School. He is also listed as being on a variety of editorial boards, and as visiting or honorary professor at an assortment of universities including Durham, Ohio and the Nelson Mandela University in South Africa – although some of these positions have been disputed. And that’s before we get to his regular media appearances on shows such BBC’s Question Time, Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg, as well as being a Guest Editor on Radio 4’s Today Programme in December 2023.

It’s counterfactual to argue that the guy was somehow being held hostage. He was putting himself out there – for good reason. We can’t have it both ways. He’d told a story of himself to win his way into the hearts of the establishment. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that – as long as that story is true. He wasn’t the first person to do it (Camila Batmanghelidjh comes to mind) and so his agency in that cannot simply be ignored. If those bodies had publicly doubted him and denied him access to those various positions in order to protect his mental health they would rightly be widely condemned. So is it entirely fair to suggest that they were using him as a mascot? He was using them as well. That is plain to see. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement.

But when that story he told started to fall apart is it entirely fair to classify it as wholly racist to hold that individual to account?

That was why I was ‘pondering’ just as the news came through. In an interview with the Guardian (1st August 2026) Arday is quoted as saying ‘Why would I lie?’ Interestingly, the rhetorical nature of this question doesn’t exclude the possibility that he was, not least for the reasons listed above. 

‘Why Would I Lie?’

As with my porky-telling pals and relatives, the real issue was the matter of ‘intent’. Were they and Arday fibbing because it was fun? Or a habit? Or a fundamentally innocent expression of insecurity in search of affirmation? Or a neurodivergent tick that meant they failed to appreciate the need for veracity or the consequences for others of dishonesty? Consequences I’ve tried to illustrate from my own experiences at the start of this essay.

Or was there a darker, more manipulative purpose behind his and their deceptions? 

Emotionally, I was inclined to believe it was a combination all but the last of these. Arday was just such a lovely softly-spoken guy who pretty much everyone loved, surely there was no malign intent. The first time I noticed Jason Arday was when he did that guest edit of BBC R4’s Today Programme at the end of 2023. I was blown away by his story. It was on the BBC – their flagship news programme no less – and it had to be true. I had no reason to doubt a word he said. I was inspired.

But last week, taking a closer look at some of his interviews I noticed a pattern of sorts. In an interview with Krishnan Guru-Murthy on Channel 4 (Sept 22, 2023) near the beginning of their conversation Arday makes a point of telling KGM that when he first went to university he only had a reading age of 9. Guru-Murthy gawps in disbelief. ‘Really?’ he says, momentarily incredulous. I imagine that he, like me, is wondering if you can get into a university with a reading age of just 9 – even if it is just to study PE (sorry PE people, that was uncalled for)? ‘Yeah!’ says Arday, as if Guru-Murthy is frankly a bit daft for even questioning it. But really? The course was for a BA in Education Studies with Physical Education at St Mary’s, Twickenham, and Arday had just turned 20. They genuinely accepted someone with a reading age of just 9? Of course I can’t disprove this but like Guru-Murthy, for me something about it doesn’t sound right. However, after this moment of incredulity, the highly esteemed journalist just accepts it without further question. It is, for me a ‘roll-over’ moment. Once you’ve bought into that part of the story there’s no turning back. 

Krishnan Guru-Murthy’s moment of doubt interviewing Jason Arday in 2023

In another interview, for the Sanger Institute (8th December 2021) David Adams opens by asking Arday, still working for Durham university at the time, about the defining moment of his career. He tells Adams the extraordinary story of how he did his PhD at John Moore’s University in two and a half years not only while raising a young family (having recently had his second child), but suffering from a brain tumour. He then recounts how he had the operation to remove the tumour – immediately followed by a stroke! – a mere two weeks before his PhD viva. This caused a loss of memory (no shit!) so he had just two weeks to completely relearn his own PhD thesis. I felt myself going all Krishnan Guru-Murthy when I heard this story coming from Arday’s own lips. Really?! Aside from the improbability of doing a PhD in less than three years with a brain tumour and a new family – it is surely beyond credibility that he did a viva two weeks after brain surgery AND a stroke. I mean, it took me a week to recover from my weedy hernia operation let alone brain surgery followed by a stroke. At the very least John Moore’s University would have postponed the viva until their student had had time to recover, but interviewer David Adams nods admiringly. ‘That sounds amazingly stressful,’ he says, eyes widening. Even me at my most gullible in the 1980s might have had a millisecond’s pause and a question or two. It’s another ‘roll-over’ moment.  Once you’ve bought into that you’ll buy into anything. After all why would anyone lie about something so serious as not just brain cancer, but BRAIN CANCER AND A STROKE?!?!

The Sangar Institute’s David Adams mastering the art of understatement in 2021

In both cases, Arday drops the plausibility bomb fairly early in the exchange, and both times it puts him in complete control of the dialogue, even with a skilled interrogator like Guru-Murthy. There is ‘method’ to it. But it’s still impossible to know how deliberate it is or whether this technique is simply a kind of fabulist’s instinct, learning over a lifetime how such incredible stories land best. 

The Plots Thicken

I’m not going to re-litigate the multiple claims and counter claims around the rest of his self-declared life story. His autobiography Great and Unfortunate Things isn’t published in the UK until 27th August so we should reserve judgement until we’ve read it, however many of the key ‘plot points’ are in the public domain already – and they are plot points – with significant disparities widely reported between the pitch document and the book itself (co-written with Eve Claxton). As well as the triumphant story of overcoming non-verbal autism and an adult journey into literacy, you can pick between testicular cancer and brain cancer; months in a coma with locked-in syndrome following a road accident (with the added drama of the medics recommending to his mother that his life support be switched off); a racist attack followed by a chance opportunity for restorative justice; the same racist attack causing lifelong epilepsy and seizures which Arday recounts to Andy Murray in 2012 along with a whole array of remarkable sporting and charitable achievements; not to mention encounters with Brazilian wise women and sooth saying midwives. I guess any or all of these could be true. I’m not going to rehash second hand rebuttals, but if I do sound doubtful it’s because I’m a writer and they sound exactly like plot lines – my very bread and butter – and not real events. This is a feeling I had long before I read an attack piece comparing Arday’s autobiography to story lines in Neighbours and Home and Away. I wrote variously for Holby City, Emmerdale and Casualty for over twenty years and even in the writers’ room we would balk at the implausible list of medical crises we’d inflicted on our lead characters. Arday’s self-proclaimed medical history makes us look like amateurs.

In Plain Sight

The morning after Jason Arday died, (Saturday 15th August 2026) the BBC’s Today Programme (who had hosted Arday as Guest editor three years before) replayed a clip from an interview he gave to lead presenter Nick Robinson.  Robinson had asked him about the debate surrounding diversity and how it’s defined. Arday replied, and I quote him here verbatim:

‘A lot of those conversations, my humble and opinion of kind of operating on the periphery of, kind of, societal debates, and I think one thing that’s really important, is that in the last couple years that peripheral conversation has been brought into the societal centre and I think it is really important that we kind of address all these kind of intersecting variables, and how they prohibit people‘s ability to become socially mobile.’ 

Jason Arday as Guest Editor on BBC R4’s Today Programme December 2023

I listened to Jason’s dulcet tones, and as I had, slightly hungover on my Christmas break in 2023, I wanted to hug him. He just sounded so… lovely. But that sentence (if you can call it a sentence) barely makes sense. It’s peppered with meaningless jargon such as ‘societal centre’ and ‘intersecting variables’. I suppose what he’s saying is ‘the mainstream takes more notice of racism than it used to’ i.e. he’s using fancy words to state the bleeding obvious. I quote Arday here not to mock him but to ask, was that really the standout clip The Today Programme thought fitting as a memorial to a man who had been hailed as ‘the best in the in the world’ by Cambridge University? Arday’s use of language reminded me of my dancing student friend back in 1980, doing a passable impression of someone who might have been to the Royal Ballet School as a kid, but without the actual ability to prove it. You could believe his story if you really, really wanted to.

The Price of Shame

Saying all of this, many of those crying ‘shame’ on those who filled their column inches and podcasts with Arday stories have asked: ‘So what if he elaborated his CV? So what if he indulged in a bit of plagiarism. He isn’t the first and he won’t be the last, so not only is it racism to bang on about it, but does it even matter? Surely it’s par for the course in academia. What crime was he guilty of? What harm did he do to anyone? And in relentlessly picking holes in Arday’s account of his life story the media put him under unacceptable pressure and they have serious questions to answer about their behaviour. They exposed their own racism by embarking on a feeding frenzy on something essentially trivial – and then, once he’d resigned, it is beyond question that should have just left him alone. It was no longer any of their business. It was nothing less than a racist witch hunt. They hounded him to his death.

I have been greatly affected by suicide in my life – my mother took her own life when I was a child – and I have lost four other friends and associates the same way – so it’s not something I take lightly, but on 6th August, The Guardian, who were largely sympathetic to Jason Arday, reported that he’d told them he had got a 1.4 million deal from Simon & Shuster for his autobiography. He didn’t specify whether it was pounds or dollars but a considerable sum in the world of publishing either way.

Jason Arday’s Autobiography for which he claimed to have received 1.4 million pounds… or perhaps dollars.

So here’s the painful reality. If you take 1.4 million to put your life story into the public domain then in any other situation we would all consider that story to be fair game for criticism – although strangely we tend to reserve that opinion for people we don’t approve of. The bottom line is, if you want your privacy respected don’t sell your life story for cash, and don’t boast to the Guardian that you’ve earned 7 figures for it. I remember Ian Hislop making the same point to Paula Yates who, as a panellist on Have I Got News For You resented his comments and criticism after she too had published a highly remunerated autobiography(£150,000 in 1995), later to die in tragic circumstances. No matter how unpleasantly bullying Hislop may have been his point was a valid one. You can watch the full incident here.

Both Yates’s and Arday’s deaths are still both terrible, terrible tragedies but let’s not be collectively simplistic about it. Let’s not be binary. I’d say Arday deserves more than that. If it’s important to grant them agency, we then have to ask whether either of them was in a state of mind to make such exposing deals?

Publish and be Damned

So I guess that asks questions of publisher Simon & Schuster. If the reports are true that they demanded significant changes from Arday’s original proposal (eg regarding exactly which cancer he had – brain or testicular) then presumably they were aware that he was making stuff up. At this point they have a duty of care. We might argue that they should have refused to publish something that could expose a vulnerable adult to humiliation and mockery. But they might argue in return that if they did, they would then be accused of censorship, and even racism; and that to say that Arday had no responsibility whatsoever for his predicament infantilises him – once again portraying him solely as a victim and stripping him of agency.

Having said that, I have had personal experience of a well known publisher pressuring me to change elements of a memoir to fit with a list of suggested anecdotes of their choice. I kid you not. In that situation I was eventually forced to exit stage left – sacrificing an extremely important contract – but if I had stuck it out and succumbed to that pressure then I would be fully responsible for the consequences. I should add that I received very good counsel from my literary agent in this regard, so I think it’s fair to ask what role the agency Aevitas, who were presumably representing Arday’s interests were taking with regard to his well-being and reputation.

My own bruising experience led me to wonder whether Raynor Winn author of The Salt Path was ‘encouraged’ to ‘elaborate imaginatively’ by her publisher before she too was subject to humiliation and derision – although I have no evidence on this either way. You can argue that Mr Arday and perhaps Ms Winn weren’t as street wise as a grizzled old hack like me – but it’s by no means a simple thing to intervene and decide that someone as lauded as Arday isn’t fit to publish. 

Raynor Winn’s humiliation was front page news in The Observer round about this time last year – also in the ‘Silly Season’

On the flip side his story also reminded me of a writer friend of mine who found themself at the centre of a critical firestorm with a play they’d written for a reputable theatre company. They were totally unprepared for the ferocity of the attacks they endured. ‘[The theatre] told me everything I was doing was great,’ my friend told me, ‘they just blew smoke up my arse,’  going on to describe how their employer’s enthusiasm meant they lost all critical judgement of their own work. In the BBC news report where Hilary Crenin tells Arday he’s ‘the best in the world’ the young man positively glows. Perhaps he came to believe it, with the loss of critical judgement and self awareness that ensues from that.

Since Friday night, I have also found myself thinking about fantasist, fabulist yachtsman Donald Crowhurst who seemed to have been a decent guy in many ways, but who painted himself into a corner with his own fabrications, and ended up drowning himself rather than face mockery for having faked his solo round the world voyage in 1969.

It’s worth checking out the terrific 2006 documentary about Crowhurst, entitled Deep Water
https://tv.apple.com/gb/movie/deep-water/umc.cmc.yyjf7462ixcrht6wnquqxusr

The pressures on Arday were, we assume, more than he could bear, but we do him a disservice by resolving that he was simply hounded to death by a vicious, racist media – even if he was hounded, and even if parts of the media are racist.  By concluding that he’d still be here had we sympathetically turned a blind eye to his fabulist shortcomings we veer dangerously close to a sort of reverse engineered form of emotional blackmail.

The Fault, Dear Brutus

I’m not convinced that suicide works like that. We won’t solve the epidemic of (male) suicide by stripping anyone with suicidal ideation of agency. Just a few months ago I ran the Manchester 10k in support of the suicide prevention charity #AndysManClub. I’m proud to report that I raised around £1,400 – but that was to provide support and help young men improve their mental resilience should their lives take a downward turn. No one seriously believes that we can prevent suicide by ensuring the world will never hold you personally accountable for your mistakes. We have to acknowledge, however painful it may be, that Arday played a part in his own downfall. It’s certainly fair to say that those who profited from his success had a far greater duty of care than they appear to have exhibited, but he was a grown man in his forties who nurtured and enjoyed his role as a standard bearer for inclusion – not just for race but also neurodiversity – across many media outlets and who took a considerable amount of cash to put his life story – be it fact or fable – resolutely into the public domain for his own financial gain.

And all this is before we get to the emotional consequences for those who put their trust in him; the professional consequences for those denied opportunity by the advantages he garnered on the basis of his personal narrative; and the reputational damage, not to the institutions (who only have themselves to blame) but to the worthy and vital cause of DEI itself – which Jason Arday did undeniably exploit, making it central to his mission. He was, by all accounts, a sensitive chap, so, perhaps in the end, he knew that.

He should have been better advised but his tragedy is not quite the binary tale of black and white, right and wrong we might want it to be. Arday is not the only literary, academic or journalistic figure to be accused of fakery and to face public opprobrium in the extreme. Raynor Winn (author of The Salt Path still disputing the claims made against her), Stephen Glass (disgraced American journalist caught faking stories for The New Republic in the late 1990s), Johann Hari (a similarly disgraced British journo, faking stories for The Independent newspaper) and Grey’s Anatomy writer Elizabeth Finch (who faked bone cancer, later becoming the subject of a gripping and merciless documentary series, Anatomy of Lies) are just four other names that can testify to that, suggesting that the desire to fabricate comes from deep inside the individual’s psyche and is not solely precipitated by discrimination or prejudice or indeed neurodiversity as some have commented.

Finch is now living a quiet life in Florida but had she taken her own life would we be signing petitions to demand that Apple TV+ review their commissioning policy with regard to anyone caught telling porkies about their life story? Perhaps we would, but it feels like something you can only attempt to judge in retrospect. Finch is clearly more resilient than Arday was, but how on earth would you assess that in advance without deciding that all fraudsters should be exempt from scrutiny and public criticism? Sometimes the world is just tough and uncompromising like that.

For a tragedy to be a tragedy the fault is rarely just in our stars – or solely with those nasty people we don’t like – but to some greater or lesser extent it will be in ourselves.

At which point I should acknowledge the contribution made by William Shakespeare in the construction of that last sentence.

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The Marmoset’s Bottom Ten 2017 Desperate Election Clichés

10 Wednesday May 2017

Posted by Martin Jameson in Conspiracy Theories, Economics, Facebook, General Election 2017, Jeremy Corbyn, Journalism, Labour Leadership, Labour Party, Main Stream Media, Media, Political Satire, Politics, Satire, Social Media, Theresa May, Twitter

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Electoral Turnout, Laura Kuenssberg, Media Blaming, Opinion Polls

Last summer, in the heat of Owen Smith’s challenge to Jeremy Corbyn for the leadership of the UK Labour Party, this particular Marmoset pissed off a lot of people, blogging about the Bottom Ten Lazy Political Generalisations propagated by the moon-eyed/swivel-eyed (delete where not applicable) acolytes of Mr Jez-We-Can, who wander the echoing labyrinth of Social Media, their faces periodically melting like Indiana Jones Nazis whenever said Echo dares to mutter: ‘Actually, perhaps he can’t’.

1024px-Mould_in_meat_and_rice

BTW When I say ‘heat’ I’m referring more to the foetid steam that rises from microwaved three-week-old leftover rice pudding.  It has the capacity to scald but it smells like sour baby poop.

Oh, by the way, if you’re hoping for a measured commentary on the lefty social media chaterati response to General Election 2017, then you’ve come to the wrong place. I warn you now, there will be swearing.

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The Marmoset is NOT IN  A GOOD MOOD.

The more emollient voices chided me: ‘But surely, Jeremy’s tenure as leader is precipitating a debate we should have had years ago.’ Ehm, hello?? I think we did actually have this debate, certainly in the 1980s and quite possibly a good few decades before that as well. The answer was as clear then – as it is horribly clear now. Remember this guy?

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Well he was wrong about that as well. History repeats itself first as tragedy and then as an even worse fucking tragedy – except this time the Marmoset is 57 years old and doesn’t know if he’ll live to see the left of British politics recover.

But… I hold my hands up. I was wrong. Just like Karl.
Yes.
I’ve said it.
The Marmoset was 100% wrong.
I repeatedly intimated in my August 2016 blog that certain political tropes on social media were intellectually lazy. What a load of utter bollox. No! Here we are, two years after the train wreck of the 2015 General Election; two awful Labour Leadership elections; not to mention the EU Referendum, and the same people are churning out the same clichéd, simplistic, reductive, un-evidenced nonsense they spouted throughout all those sickeningly ill-fated campaigns.

This amount of wilful self delusion isn’t lazy – it’s bloody hard work.

Recently, for the sake of my blood pressure (and everybody else’s patience), I disconnected myself from FB because, far from learning a single thing from recent debacles, the quality of popular dialogue on the left of Social Media appears to be sinking to new lows. But if Tweeters and FBers insist on inventing new tiresome political clichés/excuses/expressions of moral and political outrage, then I reserve the right to fashion another ‘Bottom Ten’.

I won’t bother with the whole Alan Freeman ‘pop-pickers’ thing.

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‘Not ‘alf!’

Well… ok, just to get us going: ‘Coming in at number ten!’

10) ‘The real reason Theresa May called this election is…’

I’ve seen a few bizarre reasons touted, but the main one is that it supposedly puts to bed accusations of Tory electoral fraud at the 2015 General Election – a story championed by Michael Crick at C4 News. Ehmmm… How does that work exactly? Any electoral fraud charges won’t just go away because an election is called. Even if every suspected MP stands down at this election – and I don’t believe that they are, certainly not at the time of writing – then issue remains very much live and will re-emerge if the CPS decided to press charges. (NB. Since writing this blog, events have moved on and the CPS have decided not to press charges in all but one constituency, South Thanet, where a decision remains to be made – but my point very much still stands.)

I’ve also seen posts suggesting that Theresa May’s real reason for going to the country is something vaguely to do with Philip May making loads of cash (no, I don’t understand that either) – or, that other golden oldie, to cover up accusations of a paedophile ring at the heart of the establishment. Wha…? Regular visitors to the Marmoset may remember what this dubious little monkey had to say about conspiracy theories.

This election is about her control of Brexit and maximising the Tory majority at a time when the opposition is at its weakest thanks to the poor and unpopular stewardship of Jeremy Corbyn. No more, no less.

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9) ‘You can’t trust the Polls!  Look what happened in 2015, Brexit, Trump etc….’

Polling gets a lot of stuff wrong, because while it’s a science from which we demand exactitude, the parameters are constantly shifting, and it’s a challenge for the methodology to keep up. But statisticians are generally smart cookies and able to learn from their mistakes, so before we start bleating about how we can ignore the polls, it’s worth a click or two (if you can be arsed before proclaiming) to check the facts. Let’s look at the oft cited straws at which poll-deniers are wont to grasp:

The 2015 General Election: There were 92 polls during the campaign, 17 of which were dead heats. In 42 of the remainder Labour had a small lead, and in the other 33 the Conservatives led, sometimes by as much as 6%. The Tories won with a 7% lead. So the clues were there for anyone who wanted to find them, and the inaccuracy, such as it was, concealed a far greater advantage for the Conservative Party. Something very similar happened in 1992 when, despite only garnering a small parliamentary majority, John Major defied Labour-favouring polls by scoring the highest popular vote of any Prime Minister in UK electoral history.

The EU Referendum:  These polls were a bit more accurate as a whole, with quite a few anticipating the result closely… and where they were wrong, favouring the Remain side –  yes, you guessed it – they hid an actual bias towards the less liberally inclined Leave voter.

The 2016 US Election: The polls were derided for not predicting Trump’s historic (!) victory, but Clinton won the popular vote by nearly three million votes, so they were hardly out of the ball park.

And what do all these have in common? The polling critically over estimates the level of Labour/Left support. There are some voices suggesting that polling companies are trying to factor in this left leaning bias from previous surveys, and have overcooked their compensatory mechanisms. The local elections with an 11% Tory lead as opposed to the 18% predicted in national polls might give this weight, but then again, voting patterns in local contests are different from those in general elections, so frankly, who knows. What we do know is that a polling error that would wipe out a consistent 18% lead has no historical precedent.

‘Ah yes!’ Exclaim the Moon-Swivellers, ‘but Jeremy defied 200/1 odds to become Labour Leader in the first place!!!’ Hmmm… that’ll be with a self nominating electorate, many of whom paid three quid for the privilege. It doesn’t count. It really, really doesn’t count.

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The Only Poll That Counts… …and it’s usually more conservative than the pretend ones.

8) ‘The Main Stream Media is biased against Him!!! ‘
(That’ll be ‘Him’ with a capital ‘H’ – I mean, He deserves one, surely)

Oh god, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored of this one… and anyone who’s dabbled with the Marmoset will know I’ve jabbered on about it at some length before.

But sadly – tediously! – it seems that the point can’t be made too often. Aside from whether there’s anything like the bias that the Facebook-erati claim (there is and there isn’t, that’s for another day) – or whether bias either way is ’cause’ or ‘effect’ – the tiresome bit is the endless tinnitus whine of the complaint itself.

If you, Dear Reader, are inclined to media-blaming, convinced that potential Labour voters are swayed from their true course by the establishment, Oxbridge cabal at the BBC; or the mere existence of Murdoch sponsored front pages in newsagents; or Krishnan Guru-Murthy with his devastating page one questions for Jeremy Corbyn on Channel 4 News; or The Daily Mail which, for some reason, these potential Labour voters are already reading (yeah… go figure that one…); or… or…. or…. (cough, splutter, aneurysm) …LAURA KUENSSBERG (‘Burn the witch!! Burn the witch!!!!!)…

…if you are one of these people whinging and moaning and mewling and puking about media bias, what you are actually saying is: ‘I’m really smart!! I’m intellectual, me. I know THE TRUTH. But out there are lots of STUPID people who will sway with the wind like moronic sheep – unlike ME, far cleverer than the dimwit lumpen masses who are incapable of independent thought, but, annoyingly, on whom Labour victory depends!!

Sorry… was I ranting. Breathe.

A common trope on FB and Twitter is to berate the BBC for giving too much air time to Nigel Farage and UKIP. Let’s ignore the four million license fee payers who voted UKIP at the last election and concede that perhaps there is some weight to this criticism. What just happened at the recent May local elections? Wipeout for UKIP. And it looks very much as if June will see them swept from the arena once and for all, despite all that media coverage.

Why? Because people aren’t stupid. They are capable of independent thought, and the former UKIP voter has made the quite rational judgement that their time is gone, and that Paul Nuttall is even more ridiculous than Nigel Farage.

It’s a shame really, because right now anyone seriously wanting Labour victory could do with an electorate divided along UKIP lines… perhaps if you still have media-blaming proclivities you could write to the BBC and ask for a bit more UKIP propaganda to help shore up some Labour marginals!

Why oh why

Oh yeah, and while we’re at it… The Main Stream Media? What are you actually talking about? Newspapers with their ever declining circulations? Or would that be Social Media, Facebook, Twitter – used by billions of people – where people talk bollocks to their mates who already agree with them or read lengthy blogs written by self-opinionated gits tapping away in their attics…

Oh… hang on…

7) ‘If only people would get out and vote, we could swing this election!!’

When His Corbyness first caressed the wipe-clean leatherette arm-rests of his Labour throne, he countered those who dared suggest that he needed to woo the centre ground – or that polling indicated a somewhat oceanic lack of popular support – by boldly asserting there was an army of non-voters – The Disenfranchised, The Young Pee-Pul – who he would galavanise into registering, and who would propel him into 10 Downing Street at the head of a revolutionary tsunami.

Two years later, the tsunami is looking a tad like the wash from a drifting pedalo, and while no one, not even the Marmoset at his most curmudgeonly, would refute the importance of getting people to exercise their hard-won democratic rights…

…swinging from this particular twig, licking on my favourite rainforest exudate (look it up), I notice the bark is starting to splinter, and I offer this word of warning to anyone blaming Labour’s woes on low turnout – and seeking salvation by rousing the apathetic masses into the polling booth.

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Yum! I love a tasty exudate!

The inconvenient truth is that there’s no particular evidence to suppose that those who don’t vote are necessarily Labour supporters. Indeed, post war history implies the opposite. The turnout for the EU referendum – 72% – was unusually high compared to recent General Elections – between 7% and 12% higher than the last four elections. 2001 (59%) and 2005 (61%) had low turnouts – both Labour victories… 2010 (65%) and 2015 (66%), the turnout went up, and it favoured the conservatives. 1992 when John Major  was helped by a near record turnout of 77%.

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When Blair defeated Major five years later it was on a turnout down by 6%. 
Other record turnouts include 1950 when Clement Attlee’s legendary, landmark government was ousted by Winston Churchill on an 84% turnout. Attlee’s victory was on a turnout twelve points lower.
 And my understanding from everything I’ve read about it, is that the higher turnout at the EU referendum favoured Vote Leave. So when we shout to the Social Media heavens for a greater turnout on June 8th, the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’ comes to mind.

But given that people who don’t vote, er… don’t vote, then of course, this is, by definition, unknowable. If we accept that as true, I tentatively suggest that making the disenfranchised a core part of one’s campaign might be just a little fruitless. Even assuming we want to improve things for the disenfranchised (I know I do!) it’s still a better use of energy and resources to target one’s efforts at the people who actually go to polling booths, and who might be persuaded to chisel their cross in your particular box. Duh.

What we do with power when we get it is one thing – but an election is about winning votes. To flip Mario Cuomo on his head, if Labour want to win, we need to campaign in prose in order to have the slightest hope of governing in poetry.

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See what I did here?

So let’s sum up a bit. The cumulative effect of turnout blaming and media blaming  is that Labour’s path to victory is now reliant on a lumpen mass of weak-minded, easily brainwashed Murdoch/Mail reading dimwits incapable of independent thought who are additionally incapable of getting themselves to a polling booth.
Patronising and insulting to the electorate?
Most definitely.
True?
Thankfully not.
But until we change our attitude about this and concentrate on the non-tribal voting demographic whose allegiances we need to win, then victory will continue to elude us.

6) (Wrings hands) ‘But it’s all bloody personality politics – it should be about the policies!’

Oh FFS.  Of course it’s about personality! And character. Representative party democracy or not – a general election is about electing a Prime Minister. It’s a job interview, and the public will make their own choice about who they think is up to the task. They will use their gut and their life experience to decide this.

They will put competency very high on their list, and vote for someone they may not even like that much if they think they’ll get the job done. Of course policy is important – double duh! – but they’re trusting their lives, their children’s lives, their money, their jobs, their future to the stewardship of the nation’s ultimate line manager. And when was the last time you thought ‘the personal qualities of my line manager is of no consequence to me whatsoever’?

Who do you want driving the car, your lovely but dozy uncle who’s always scraping the verge, turning round to tell you stories of victories past, or your charmless tight-fisted aunt whose eyes never leave the road? You wouldn’t invite her to a party, but you want her wheel. Getting there alive is better than never getting there at all. In the case of May versus Corbyn, Theresa looks like she knows what she’s doing. Jeremy doesn’t.

Uh-uh! Don’t go off on one. I’m not saying that Theresa does know what she’s doing, but I am saying that if you sit, empathetically, in the swing-voter’s back seat then it is easy to see why she would be perceived that way.  Which brings me neatly to….

5) ‘But Theresa May… she’s a bloody robot!’

Oh yes, in electioneering terms, absolutely. This GE is being sung from the Lynton Crosby playbook turned up to eleven – and it’s certainly an eyeball peeling, eardrum shattering sensory assault. This may be hard for some guests of the Marmoset to stomach but David Cameron used to croon the Crosby tunes with a good deal of charm.

No, not him…

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This guy.

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Sorry, you’re going to have to stick with the idea of David Cameron having charm. Remember, winning this election (if that were possible) is about persuading people who found Cameron to be charming – or Nigel Farage to be credible – that they’d rather vote for Jeremy Corbyn this time round. Try to stay focused on that idea.

Now excuse me while I jump back a metaphor. Think of the Lynton Crosby election-winning mechanism as a relentless, piston-thumping engine… In Cameron’s charming kid-driving-glove mitts, it is encased in a shiny chassis, shimmering in the sun as it flashes through a grove of poplars, shock absorbers and silencers rendering its pumping cylinders quiet as a whisper.

Sadly this time round, the charmless aunt has been handed the brutalist stripped down model. Lynton only has a few weeks, so there’s no chassis, no shock absorbers, no silencers… this is a V8 Crosby machine in the grinding raw.

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Theresa May’s oily election machine

Yup. We can see all the working parts. But the point is – the parts are working – the engine driving the May Robot is just as powerful, no matter how much we can smell the oil steaming off the cylinder block.

May’s team know what the selling point is – they’ve done the focus groups… (oooh… did I hear you sneer just then? Behave.) …and consequently they know what their target demographic thinks. Recent polling shows that concern about the outcome of Brexit exceeds concern for the future of the NHS in some surveys. It’s startling, but not surprising. It’s completely rational to be absolutely bloody terrified. I am! If Brexit goes tits up then everything else is fucked. Not only that, but huge swathes of the population – left, right, leave, remain – quite rationally understand that many in the EU are determined to prove that there can be no happy ending for anyone else with ideas about making a run for it.

So there’s one message: May’s a ‘bloody difficult woman’ who’ll fight the UK corner. Strong and stable and all that – and mock though we relentlessly do – May held down the scalp-strewn post of Home Secretary for six years, one of the longest tenures in recent history.

But she just keeps on saying it… because she and Lynton understand that if you’re a non-tribal voter and you care about the economy, you’ll vote for the person who you think can handle Brexit; if you care about immigration, you’ll vote for the person you think can handle Brexit; and if you care about the NHS you’ll vote for the person who you think can handle Brexit.

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Feast your eyes on this Survation Poll from Saturday May 6th 2017

Suddenly, because of Brexit, the Tories have the upper hand on healthcare. Yeah, I know, it turns the stomach and it’s sacrilege to write such words on a left-of-centre website, it’s barely possible to accept, but accept it we must, for it is true.

No… I can feel you REFUSING to believe me.  Look at that poll again – go on, do it!! – and rest assured it won’t be the last to send the same message.

But, you cry, Andrew Marr asked her a dozen questions and she didn’t answer a single one – it was just ‘strong and stable’, ‘strong and stable’ all the way. Duh again! Her refusal to engage with anything else just goes to prove the point. She’s so strong and stable she won’t be drawn on anything and just sticks to her core message. It’s a win-win, almost post-modern, strategy.

Now for a personal window into the domestic life of this Ninja monkey. Mrs Marmoset is worried about me because I keep saying admiring things about Theresa May, but my admiration is the same as one might have for the Alien. Being able to bleed acid blood through five decks of the Nostromo is pretty damned impressive….

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…and you need more than guns if you’re going to bring one of those mothers down.

Which segues nicely into…

4) ‘Well I’m voting for Jeremy because he is the only politician who has integrity, is truly genuine, is a proper socialist, represents true Labour values etc etc etc etc etc etc….’

If you must, but is that seriously the best reason you have?

Ah, I hear you say, with a smug flare of the nostrils, a keen narrowing of the eyes, a minute ago you said that personality was important. Yeah, smartarse, I did. But values on their own, ideals on their own, integrity (aka a bull-headed adherence to one point of view for the whole of your life) and a Santa list of sub-polytechnic-politics-subsidiary slogans does not a personality make. As for ‘genuine’ – what the Johnny-Cash does ‘genuine’ mean anyway? People thought Johnny Cash was genuine when he sang about prison life, but Cash never spent more than a night in the slammer for petty misdemeanours.

The very intelligent exlectorate rightly evaluate personality as Life Experience, Work Experience, The Ability To Get Things Done, and crucially for a Prime Minister, Leadership Skills (that’ll be leadership as in not having everyone in sight resign around you). Any idiot can have ideals – most of us have fabulous values and principles – but it takes real character to make them happen. Thirty-three years on the back benches, voting against your own side, and organising protest rallies hardly counts.

This is why people posting admiringly about Corbyn soldiering on after his front bench resigned and the near unanimous vote of no confidence are wrong – and this is why any other party leader would have resigned at that point. You can’t go into an election once your colleagues have told the rest of the country that you’re crap. You can’t go into an election with a front bench team made up of a talentless rump whose only qualification for office isn’t skill or experience, but that they were the only ones who didn’t vote you down. It’s not even a matter of whether the others were right to resign in the first place. It’s just a cold reality that there’s no way back from that. You’re stuffed – like a pig at a Bullingdon initiation party – and it’s a great oinking signal that you need to exit stage left and let someone lead the party who can command the confidence of a strong team.

That’s my idea of integrity.
And humility.
And personal strength.
And genuinely caring about the values of the Labour Party.

Ploughing on regardless is arrogant, stupid and selfish.

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Jeremy Corbyn – about as genuine as Johnny Cash

3) ‘If you don’t vote for Jeremy then it’s a vote to close the NHS, kill people on benefits, blah blah blah…’

After the local and mayoral elections on May 4th this sort of post was all over social media like Donald Trump’s hands in a cattery…. (….think about it).

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Or this…

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Although this kind of nonsense has already been brilliantly satirised in a painfully true spoof for The Independent – click here – there is more to be said.

The long term consequence of a landslide Tory victory may well be some, if not all, of these terrible things listed in those posts. Of that I have little doubt. However the short term consequence of so characterising any who might disagree with those who like to call themselves the progressive left is not one extra vote for the Labour cause.

Why? Because it’s lazy, reductive, patronising, arrogant, smug and wilfully obstructive to the reality of how elections are won… the last of which I reckon is pretty important if you really want to see a Labour government any time soon.

It starts from a nauseating moral high handedness, the assumption that only a Labour voter truly inhabits the moral high ground. So when wonderfully skilled ex-Coronation Street actors proclaim, sonorous and heartfelt, about Labour being the party that ‘gives a toss’, they have no idea how alienating that is to millions of people. What are they saying? That because someone votes Tory they don’t care about people?

If Labour are ever to win power again we need the votes of millions of folk who have voted Conservative in the past – and you’ve just told them they are moral scum.

This stuff is underpinned by the assumption that any right thinking person will automatically see the notion of Conservatism as toxic. Well, hold the front page. They don’t. They don’t automatically see being conservative as this…

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…and even if they do, they don’t necessarily experience a spasm of involuntary revulsion.  For millions of people around the country being a conservative voter looks just like this:

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It could just as easily be a still from a Ken Loach movie

If we are to win people over – to persuade, to cajole – then we have to banish this morally superior stereotyping to the self righteous trash can of losing strategies where it belongs.

Jeremy Corbyn has even managed to fuck up that sure-fire winner of a slogan: ‘For The Many Not The Few’. Over in Toryland, Theresa May speaks daily (and don’t we know it?) about negotiating a Brexit that works for everybody. She uses the word advisedly.  Everybody.
Everybody.
Now, while you or I may well doubt her sincerity, like it or not, the word ‘everybody’ means just that, and crucially excludes nobody.

Back in Corbynopolis, Our Jezzer has taken a phrase – For The Many, Not The Few – and made it sound hostile and exclusive. In his campaign launch on 9th May, he talked about:

‘…a reckoning for those who thought they could get away with asset stripping our industry, crashing our economy through their greed and ripping off workers and consumers’

It sounds like a declaration of war. It’s an expression of hate. I know many people who would look at me and say: ‘And your problem with that is…?’

While most people want to see a reduction in inequality, they are also aspirational. This kind of oratory is all about ‘us’ and ‘them’ – it reads as aggressive and divisive, and there are plenty of ordinary people wondering whether they might become a bit too ‘them’ to prosper in a Corbyn led society. Of course a Labour government will be founded on redistributive economics, but it needs to be framed in language as inclusive as that used by Theresa May.
Theresa May??? Inclusive????
I can feel the reader balking at everything I write – sputtering in disbelief – but listen, really listen to the difference in the language used. At a recent election appearance in Tynemouth, deep in traditional Labour territory, Theresa May addressed the gathering thus:

‘We respect that parents and grandparents taught their children and grandchildren that Labour was a party that shared their values and stood up for their community. But across the country today, traditional Labour supporters are increasingly looking at what Jeremy Corbyn believes in and are appalled.’

The Tories attack Corbyn personally – hammering away at his personal politics, competence and leadership skills – but you’ll never hear them deriding Labour voters themselves for their values. You’ll never hear them proclaiming that if you’ve voted Labour in the past you’re morally bankrupt and killing disabled people.
Why not?
Because they want our votes.

The language is carefully constructed to LOVE the Labour voter, while driving a wedge between them and their vulnerable leader.  Is it really beyond the wit of the Labour Party and its supporters to something similar and talk respectfully to people who are potential Tory voters but whom they want to persuade? Do we really have to talk like bullies?

And if you still think I’m wrong, scroll up to that opinion poll again. 47% of people think May will create a fairer society than Corbyn’s paltry 37%. Look at it – and learn.

2) ‘Ok, so Corbyn let us down over Brexit – but what else could he have done?’

Well… turning up for the referendum campaign would have been a start. Revisionist Corbynista acolytes blindly refuse to acknowledge any responsibility on their saviour’s behalf but Jeremy’s near sabotage of the Labour Remain campaign is well documented. Remain lost by just over 1.3m votes so all we needed was another 650,000 little pencil crosses and we wouldn’t be in the truly terrifying mess we’re in right now. Whilst the reasons for the Leave victory are many and complex (as grippingly recounted in Tim Shipman’s fantastic book, All Out War) it’s hard to believe that an enthusiastic pro-EU Labour leader, seizing the opportunity and the agenda couldn’t have secured that. For all their own shortcomings, I have absolutely no doubt that either Andy Burnham or Yvette Copper could have got those votes… easily.

What else could Corbyn have done? Well, he could have consulted with his shadow cabinet colleagues on the small matter of Labour Party Policy before coming out at 7.28 am on the morning of 24th June 2016 and calling for Article 50 to be invoked as soon as possible. And people are surprised that most of the shadow cabinet resigned? They are often blamed for their ‘disloyalty’, but hey – pot-calling-the-skillet-le-creuset! – they hardly had a choice in the circumstances.

Oh yeah, and then we get to the bloody ‘will of the people’ and invoking a three line whip for Labour MPs to wave Article 50 through the Commons. Labour policy is something to do with ‘holding the government to account’ but exactly how this is to be achieved now the party has completely rolled over on the issue is quite beyond this tufty little simian.

From up in my tree, savouring my exudates, it is nothing less than the betrayal of a generation.

Corbyn apologists argue that he had no choice. The People Had Decided – ‘The Issue of Brexit Is Settled’ yadda yadda – and crucially Labour is haemorraghing votes in Labour heartlands to UKIP. Well, let’s look under the bonnet of that particular premise.

Offering a convincing counter narrative might have been something worth considering. Just maybe? As the reality of Brexit bears down upon us, the zeitgeist of 2017 is that of a nation – Remain and Leave voters alike – looking down the barrel of a gun.

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Corbyn derides May for taking a confrontational stance with Brussels, but with the barrel right in our faces, which strategy is going to play best with a nervous/terrified electorate?

‘Please can we stay in the single market, and we’re happy to fulfil any conditions to achieve that even if we have no power in the union any more, pretty please…’
or
…whipping out our own weaponry and snarling: ‘Go ahead, Juncker, make my day’. The electorate are feeling that, given the choice, they’d rather die on their feet than live on their knees, which is why Labour-UKIP defectors are now turning to the Conservatives in their extremely crucial hundreds of thousands.

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Bizarrely, Theresa May is capturing the Clint Eastwood vote

Emily Thornberry – Labour’s patroniser-in-chief – pops up on the telly, almost daily, to tell us that Labour has no choice but to look both ways, as they try to satisfy both urban Labour Remainers and Labour heartland Brexiteers but you can see in her eyes – and the doleful look in Keir Starmer’s sad little peepers – that she knows it’s a confusing, untenable and impotent fudge.

So what was the alternative?

The clue’s in that last word – Labour could only seize the agenda by offering an actual alternative. Corbyn’s strategy is to try not to mention the ‘B’ word at all, but there is no way round the cold hard fact that this is the Brexit election. There is absolutely no way Labour can kick Brexit off the top of the agenda. A savvy Labour leader would  have stopped trying to dodge that particular bullet, and rather made a grab for the gun itself.

Yes. It would have been a very high risk strategy, but the opportunity was there for anyone bold enough to take it. If the Tories want a Brexit election then let them have it, but pitch Labour as the party that will withdraw from Article 50 and hold the EU together.

Be bold. Use the election to re-run the referendum.

Labour are barely scraping 30% in the polls.  Why not make a pitch for the 48% who were desperate to Remain in the EU… and rather than accusing Tory or Leave voters of being knuckle-dragging moral scum offer frightened Leave voters a way out of this mess.

Look. I’m not saying I know this would have worked – I have no hard evidence to say that the numbers stack up in the required marginals – and the time when this might have been a realistic option has most definitely passed – many former remainers just want to get on with Brexit – but even now it seems a far stronger, and more responsible pitch than the chicken broth Labour are offering the electorate at the moment. I choose ‘chicken’ as my flavour advisedly.

Yes, the Labour manifesto has a few salty promises, but it still runs scared of the single issue that will decide the outcome.

To go into an election, supporting an ill-defined, half baked Brexit (surely the ultimate ‘Tory-lite’ and I don’t even approve of that phrase), promising to borrow half a trillion plus god knows how much at a time of huge economic uncertainty, dissing anyone with entrepreneurial aspirations, declaring war on a vaguely defined ‘other’… and telling people daily how awful everything is… well, it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Theresa May’s poll lead remains stubbornly beyond any previously recorded polling error.

1) ‘We must unite to defeat the Tories at all costs!!’  

Oh yes, this is definitely at number one.

This mantra of the left… the same people who told anyone who doubted the Corbyn project to ‘Fuck off and join the Tories!’.

Well, whaddya know? They did.

But wait… there’s a real election happening and Labour are about to get absolutely hammered so suddenly the devout are realising that far from winning a majority being some sort of bourgeois Blairite peccadillo, without it the country will be well and truly stuffed.

Screen Shot 2017-05-10 at 05.22.06

The founder of Momentum proving the utter stupidity of the hard left

Meanwhile, the ex-journalistic tragedy that is Paul Mason, who, a few months ago could be seen on our TV screens, jabbing his finger, muttering darkly about mass deselections is now twitching on the Newnight panel calling for a progressive alliance.

‘Seriously Paul, go fuck yourself.’ Sorry to swear in such a personally abusive way, but that was what I shouted at my telly the other night. The rank hypocrisy of calling for us all to unite to stop the Tories at all costs. If he and his kind really believed in ‘stopping the Tories at all costs’ then they wouldn’t have voted for a complete numpty to run the party… TWICE!

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These days Paul works hard to keep his jabbing finger under control

Other voices from Planet Corbo simply say ‘hold your nose’, vote for Jeremy. Let’s have a period of purdah where you keep your eviscerating anti-Corbyn blogs to yourself.

Give me a break. It really doesn’t matter what I think, or what I say. I’m just a rare and rather cute little marmoset. It’s neither here nor there whether the lefty chaterati on Facebook or Twitter are critical of the J-Corb – mostly we’re just talking to our own gang anyway. Whether or not different factions of the left think he’s incompetent and a liability – as I do – is irrelevant. That’s not going to affect the result. I’m voting Labour anyway, even if I do think he’s a waste of skin.

The only pertinent issue is whether non partisan, floating voters can be persuaded to trust the guy. They’re not listening to any squabbles we have – nor would the pretence that I, for example, thought for a second Corbyn could make a competent PM convince one floating voter to cast their vote his his way in a marginal. No. They’ll make that decision for themselves. Shutting up about it won’t improve things. We can’t pretend he’s doing a good job when he isn’t, as if somehow if we all close our eyes the very obvious shortfalls of him and his so-called team will go away. They won’t. The real problem isn’t me being rude on Facebook or this blog – that’s of no importance whatsoever – but the indifference of the voting public to someone they recognise as neither worth their vote, nor a passing thought.

As my wonderful Sheffield mother-in-law is wont to say: ‘Jeremy Corbyn? He’s got nothing about him.’

If we want the result to be not quite as bad as the polls suggest then we really need to tackle the strategy – not for getting pissed-off Labour centrists on board – but all the other people who are needed to make this thing slightly less of the car crash it’s promising to be.

***

If I sound angry and contemptuous – it’s because I am. I’m frightened as well. Really frightened – more so than any time in my life.

And I do lay what’s happening – from Brexit to the upcoming electoral catastrophe – firmly at the door of the persistent Corbyn believer. Je most definitely accuse.

The point blank refusal to acknowledge an overwhelming accumulation of evidence – which has far exceeded the Marmoset’s worst expectations – puts them in the same category as flat-earthers, homeopaths and creationists – and if I have no respect for those people, then I certainly can’t be respectful of evidence-denying Corbyn believers.

Faith over empiricism. No thanks.

As Michael Heseltine famously said: ‘Labour will win again, when it wants to win’. And that will be when we remember that being in power is the primary objective of Labour as a political party, and that electioneering IS an exact science.

Empiricism over faith. Always.

As for the Marmoset’s bottom ten desperate political clichés… to be fair, most of them stem from people’s desperation, but that makes them no less frustrating.

We need to stop thinking so simplistically. We need to get smart. We need to win again.

***

Of course, at the time of writing there are four whole weeks until polling day, during which time Theresa May could be caught doing something unspeakable to a kitten – or to National Treasure Alan Bennet with a slice of Battenberg – or both, at the same time, and on live TV..!

In which case, all bets are off, and you can scratch all of the above.

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The Marmoset scratching all of the above.

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Aimless or Neo-Totalitarian? The Empty Persecution of Laura Kuenssberg

12 Thursday May 2016

Posted by Martin Jameson in Jeremy Corbyn, Journalism, Labour Party, Politics

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

38 Degrees, BBC, Daily Politics, David Babbs, Laura Kuenssberg

So… 38 Degrees have dropped their petition to have BBC Political Editor, Laura Kuenssberg, sacked for alleged bias against Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn.

Laura-Kuenssberg-anti-Corbyn

The petition kept popping up on my Facebook feed – often posted by people I consider to be friends, and, just as often, accompanied by offensive and indirectly sexist comments. I didn’t just disagree – as a writer, and occasional journalist myself – I was viscerally alarmed.

I complained three times to 38 Degress about the petition, but despite the pledges on their feedback pages, never received any kind of acknowledgement or reply.

I argued that it brought the campaigning organisation into disrepute. The sexism and misogyny was indeed a primary issue, but sadly neither David Babbs – nor the short sighted and/or neo-totalitarian types who signed this thing – understand the fundamental problem with targeting a specific journalist – regardless of gender. Personally – speaking as someone who follows unhealthy amounts of political journalism – she doesn’t appear to be in any way biased. She’s a journalist equally likely to report on splits in the Tory party (as she has done many, MANY times; there is far more coverage of right wing splits in relation to the EU referendum at the moment in the UK), the Lib-Dems, UKIP etc as she would with the very real splits in the Labour party. She’s a political editor – it’s her job to report this stuff, the problem won’t go away if Laura Kuenssberg doesn’t mention it. Not when senior party members are battling it out on Twitter.

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The Labour Party hardly needs Laura Kuenssberg to advertise their splits…

But this isn’t the point.

If someone watching a BBC News item is unhappy with with the way something is reported, then the thing to do is to take it up with BBC News, and question editorial policy overall (by the way, they will reply to you). That’s perfectly fine, and the right of the UK license fee payer. Indeed that kind of public accountability is fundamental to the way the BBC works. You certainly don’t have that kind of direct accountability in most other areas of journalism.

BUT – and it’s a massive swollen arse of a ‘but(t)’ – targeting individual journalists is a completely different matter.

Think about it – especially anyone reading this blog who signed this thing – what is the BBC supposed to do? Let’s just imagine that 38 Degrees had submitted this petition. How would you expect the BBC to react?

Treat it with the contempt it deserves, hopefully. They would have to.

Because obviously if the BBC did start sacking journalists because of public pressure exerted by specific interest groups, what message would that send?

The reason totalitarian regimes censor, sack, blacklist, imprison – or even execute – individual journalists who report or say things they don’t like, is to send a message to every other journalist that the reporting they do must fit a pre-determined political agenda – otherwise they’ll be out of a job. It’s a form of intimidation and bullying from which anyone who believes in free speech – and indeed, a fair and just society – should absolutely disassociate themselves.

Journalists-gagged

Are these the values of the new activist left? I sincerely hope not.

But there’s something else going on here. For most of my lifetime the most vociferous braying – accusing the BBC of bias – has come from the right of British politics, insistent that the BBC is staffed by an army of vegetarian, politically correct pinkos (amongst which I count myself – although I’m not a vegetarian).

Ironically, as someone who has spent much of his professional career working in a range of capacities for the organisation, there is actually some truth in this – ! – although BBC journalists and other creatives take a lot of pride in their ability to stick rigorously to the corporation’s much vaunted principles of impartiality. Perhaps too much sometimes. When I first worked for the BBC, I spent a day observing at the World Service and was moved to tears by the dedication of the journalists there to report fairly on regimes who had certainly not treated them fairly before they had come to the UK. The BBC doesn’t always get it right, but there’s something infectious and almost obsessional about those values within the organisation, certainly, as I have experienced it.

But these days, the main chorus of disapproval comes from certain elements within the Corbyn left – not Corbyn himself, I hasten to add.

So what’s this about?  Is there something just plain nasty lurking here? Well… there may be in places – there’s definitely a few old Trots and Militant types who have hitched themselves to the Corbyn bandwagon – but I genuinely don’t think that’s the issue.

I think this is about a lack of purpose at the heart of the Corbyn project. It’s a movement that has lost its way to such a degree that it feels it can be shaken off course by a BBC journalist reporting on internal party splits. Surely if Corbyn had anything about him, he would be leading the agenda, and a few negative stories would be neither here, nor indeed, there. Cameron is repeatedly ridiculed by factions on the left and right, and I would argue that one reason he is such a canny survivor – and indeed successful – as a politician is because he refuses to be rattled by such stuff. Love him, hate him – he’s ‘the guy’ and he’s getting on with it. Plus he’s very good at laughing at himself.

Jeremy Corbyn has an oft stated objective of motivating an unseen army of people who currently don’t vote. So far, so noble. But check out what happened yesterday (Wednesday 11th May 2016) at Prime Minister’s Questions. He led on two questions about the ‘Workers Posted Directive’.

No, I had no idea what that meant either.

Neither did Andrew Neil nor Jo Coburn, on the BBC’s Daily Politics, who had to Google it live on air.

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Jo Coburn & Andrew Neil as bemused as ‘Martin from Stockport’

Kuenssberg to her credit did actually know something about it – and thought it was a decent – if obscure – issue to raise. Jo Coburn then said they were getting lots of texts and tweets expressing similar confusion, and read out an email from ‘Martin in Stockport’ declaring that he ‘was a political junkie but still had no idea what the Labour Leader was talking about’. Yup folks, that was me.

That detail aside, it’s a visceral demonstration of how lost Corbyn is.

When people say we have to stop carping and get behind the Labour Leadership – I ask: ‘Get behind what?’  Corbyn’s stinging campaign to support the Workers Posted Directive – which may well be important, but apparently affects 0.7% of EU workers?  Seriously?  Even after Andrew Neil explained it I still didn’t understand it. Are we supposed to believe that the serried ranks of the disenfranchised will be stirred to the barricades by Jezza’s uncompromising stance on the issue?

‘What do we want???’
‘The Workers Posted Directive!!’
‘When do we want it???’
‘Back-dated to April 1st!!!’

But worse was to come. In the same PMQs, after wishing David Attenborough a happy birthday, Corbyn omitted to congratulate Sadiq Khan for his amazing (centrist?) victory in London last week – leaving a back bencher (whose name I can’t remember), Tim Fallon (leader of the Liberal Democrats) and indeed David Cameron himself to hand out the plaudits to Khan.

Here was a golden opportunity to big-up the broad Labour tent and absolutely slam Cameron for backing Zac Goldsmith’s dog whistle racism last week. But for some reason, Corbyn opted to go big on the Workers Posted Directive… and snub his new, extremely popular Labour mayor on the week’s most high profile platform for any leader of the opposition.

This wasn’t just missing an open goal…. this was missing an open goal when the other team had pissed off to the pub and left the field completely undefended.

If you are reading this – and you are someone who believes passionately in a Labour Party led by Jeremy Corbyn – then perhaps concentrate on developing that message into something coherent around which we can all coalesce. The electorate don’t owe him their support. And I, as a (more or less) lifelong Labour member don’t owe Jezza my support. Wasting your energy trying to get a female journalist sacked is not only reactionary in the extreme – but it demonstrates that there isn’t enough going on at the heart of the project. If Corbyn was truly inspirational, then you wouldn’t care what Laura Kuenssberg said. You’d be selling his message… whatever that is. I mean, I really don’t know any more.

Winners  don’t complain about the opposition, or the crowd, or, indeed, the commentators. They win because they are good at what they do, and they rise above any obstacles put in their way.

sore_loser____by_swat_strachan-d386hzg

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